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Self-assessment tools to help parents’ skills identification

      MODULE   

2

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About the Module 2

• Being mother or father is a process in permanent construction. It starts with the awareness that our children learn from everything we do and our actions directly impact them and how they choose to behave.

• Through self-reflection and self-analysis, we can be flexible and adaptive as parents, and thus we can feel more confident in our role as a parent and engage in successful parenting practices.

• This module intends to encourage parents to analyse their parenting skills and gain an awareness of positive parenting.

Who are the targets

•This module is designed for Youth Workers who work or will work with Teachers, Parents, Carers, Educators. It can be used by different facilitators and trainers who want to conduct trainings with this specific target group.

Objective 1

Objective 2

Objective 3

Objective 4

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Self- awareness as a parent / teacher about their own skills

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Strengthening the parent-child / teacher-pupil relationship

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Promote positive parenting/teaching skills

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Increase parental awareness/understanding of parental values

Learning objectives

SOME ACTIVITIES YOU WILL FIND IN THE MODULE

Dr. Katrina Wood’s Test

Is an exercise to help parents assess their parenting skills

Strong Emotions

Is an activity that allows self-assessment skills for parents

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Evaluation and test

Test – parenting style

Evaluation of the module

Description

Being mother or father is a process in permanent construction. It starts with the awareness that our children learn from everything we do and our actions directly influence them and how they choose to behave. Sometimes, however, things get in the way of us being the parent we want to be. We feel we respond to our children in ways that we do not like, without really understanding why it happens. At those moments, it is important to stop and reflect on our parenting skills, because through self-reflection we can become more aware of why we think, feel and behave the way we do. Through self-reflection and self-analysis, we can be flexible and adaptive as parents, and thus we can feel more confident in our role as a parent and engage in successful parenting practices.

This module intends to encourage parents to analyse their parenting skills and gain an awareness of positive parenting.

For whom is designed this Module?

This module is designed for Youth Workers who work or will work with Teachers, Parents, Carers, and Educators. It can be used by different facilitators and trainers who want to conduct trainings with this specific target group.

What is the goal of the training?

The goal of this module is develop parents’ skills to become a positive parent able to have a “parental behaviour based on the best interests of the child and ensures the fulfilment of the main needs of the children and their training without violence, providing them with the recognition and the necessary orientation, which implies the setting of limits to their behaviours, to enable their full development."

What are the learning objectives and learning skills?

After this training module, the learners will

  • Increase self-awareness as parents and as an educator

  • Find new ways to improve and have a strong parent-child relationship;

  • Develop and reinforce positive parenting skills;

  • Increase the awareness and understanding of key parental VALUES, ATTITUDES, and PRACTICES.

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Tips for the Trainer

The trainer welcomes the participants and introduces her/himself. The trainer presents the project TeachersWay briefly. If necessary.  

The trainer makes an introduction and gives the presentation of module’s objectives and theoretical background (using the TeachersWay Module 2 presentation).

Then, the trainer facilitates a set of chosen exercises and activities:

Activity 1 - Ice-breaker to help participants get to know each other.

Activity 2 - which is an exercise to get parents to talk about their children;

Activity 3 - is an exercise to help parents assess their parenting skills. Dr. Katrina Wood’s test for parents of children;

Activity 4 - is an exercise to help parents assess their parenting skills. SWOT analysis for parents;

Activity 5 - is an exercise to help parents to know each other’s parenting. 

Activity 6 - The “Strong Emotions” is an activity that allows self-assessment skills for parents;

Activity 7 - The activity “Express your feelings” help people to develop recognition of emotions and the quality of understanding the interlocutor;

Activity 8 - The activity “Story Game” helps to develop the level of understanding of the value of the Boundaries and Guidance skills on parents’ skills;

Activity 9 - The activity “Video Training” helps to improve trust relationship and empathy between the child and parents.

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For whom : 15+

Duration : 10 – 20 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom, etc.

Characteristic : To help participants get to know each other

Materials : A ball

Goal : Everyone has the ball and tell their name

Instructions box – Classroom Ball

Ask everyone to stand up and form a circle. Toss the ball to someone. Person who catches the ball says their name and something about their child, such as what their child likes about school. Then this person tosses the ball to someone different and this person does the same. The game continues until everyone has the ball and tell their name.

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Duration : 10 – 20 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom, etc.

Characteristic : To get participants to talk about their children

Materials : No material is needed

Goal : Everyone shares stories about their child

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Instructions box – My child

Ask parents if their child likes to play inside or outside? If the answer is outside, then please stand on the right side of the classroom. If the answer is inside, please stand of the left side of the classroom. Parents talk in their groups about the types of activities their child prefers inside or outside, why they like inside or outside activities.

For whom : 15+

Duration : 10 – 20 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom, etc.

Characteristic : To help participants assess their parenting skills

Materials : Pen, Paper and Handouts

Goal : Answering all of the questions for a quick evaluation of their own parenting style

The following quiz is designed to walk you through some positive and effective ways of dealing with your child. Answer all of the questions for a quick evaluation of your parenting style. (It might be easier to print out this quiz.)

For each question, first read the comment BEFORE the question and then read the question. Score yourself on a scale from 5 (best) to 0 (worst). Once you have a total, check your performance on the Parents and Children Quiz Evaluation below.

 
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For whom : 15+

Duration : 10 – 20 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom, etc.

Characteristic : To help participants assess their parenting skills

Materials : Pen and Paper

Goal : Sharing own SWOT analysis

 Instructions box – SWOT

The trainer explains to the parents what a Swot analysis is and why it is useful. It is important that all parents be objective here at this step. They neither should be too hard on themselves or ignore things they are doing wrong. The trainer hands out the questions to help them carry out the SWOT analysis. Then the parents are allowed some time to do it. After they complete it, they can share it with other participants and discuss about it. Parents who are not willing to share it in front of other parents can do so in private and discuss it with the trainer.

Some questions that might help your SWOT analysis

  • What are you naturally good at and how do you bring that skill or attribute into parenting?

  • What parenting skills have you worked to develop?

  • What do your kids tell you they like or don’t like about your parenting style?

  • What do other parents tell you about your parenting?

  • What do you find easy to do?

  • What makes you feel good about yourself?

STRENGTHS

WEAKNESSES

  • What do you struggle with the most about parenting?

  • What do you wish you were better at?

  • What don’t you do well?

  • What do you avoid doing?

  • In what areas do you think you ‘let your kids down’?

OPPORTUNITIES

  • What resources are available to you to enhance your strengths or overcome your weaknesses?

  • What potential support are you not tapping into?

  • What does the future look like?

  • What changes are happening around you right now?

  • What could you do more or less of?

THREATS

  • What changes are you facing right now that you are not ready for?

  • Are your children moving into a different area of development or life?

  • What obstacles are you in your way right now?

  • What is making you feel bad about yourself or being a parent?

  • What might cause problems in the future and how will it affect you or your family?

 
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For whom : 15+

Duration : 30 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom, etc.

Characteristic : To help participants to know each other’s parenting

Materials : Pen and Paper

Goal : Get to know each other’s parenting

 Instructions box – People Bingo

People bingo is a great ice breaker game for adults because it's fun, easy to organize and almost everyone knows how to play. In as little as 30 minutes, you can energize a classroom or a meeting and help your students or co-workers get to know each other better with just a handful of bingo cards and some clever questions. Whether your event has three people or 300, it's easy to play people bingo. Here's how to get started.

Create Your People Bingo Questions

Make Your People Bingo Cards

If you know your participants, make a list of 25 interesting traits that describe different aspects of them, things like, “plays basketball” or “has a tattoo.”

If you don’t know your participants, make a list of more general traits like “drinks tea instead of coffee,” “loves the colour orange,” “has two cats,” “drives a hybrid” or “went on a cruise in the last year.” You can make these easy or difficult depending on how much time you want the game to take.

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It's very easy to make your own bingo cards using regular printer paper. There also are lots of places online where you can create customized people bingo cards. Some are free; some are not. One site, Technology[1], has a card maker that allows you to shuffle the phrases on each card.

 

[1] https://www.teach-nology.com/web_tools/materials/bingo/5/

Start Playing People Bingo

Share Your Experiences

You can play this game with up to 30 people. If your group is larger than that, consider dividing participants into smaller teams of equal size.

When you’re ready to play, give each participant a people bingo card and a pen. Explain that the group has 30 minutes to mingle, introduce themselves and find people who match the traits on the card. They must put the person’s name in the corresponding box or have the person sign the appropriate square.

The first person to fill five boxes across or down yells BINGO! and the game is over. For extra fun, give the winner a door prize.

Ask participants to introduce themselves and share an interesting trait they learned about someone else or describe how they feel now that they know their peers better. When we take the time to get to know each other, barriers dissolve, people open up and learning can take place.

External Ressources : Here you have an example of People’s BINGO!

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For whom : 10+ /Parents, children and families

Duration : 60 minutes

No. of participants : 10 – 15 participants

Place : Indoor and Outdoor

Characteristic : To help participants to know each other’s parenting

Materials : Quiz and ‘Tips to help parents to regulate their own strong emotions’ List

Goal : To develop empathy; develop communication skills without grading;

to improve the level of communication between people;

to improve the relationship between people

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 Instructions box – Strong Emotion

Preparation: Facilitators should prepare in advance sets of the list of questions.

Educational Interest: Empathy and communication are related with Emotional Development skills.

The “Strong Emotions” is an activity that allows self-assessment skills for parents. But also, could use on sessions with Children and families.

This activity creates a space of exchange between them.


Invite the participants to do pairs and give to each pair the quiz. First in each pair one communicates with emotional expressions that communicate the emotion beyond each statement. When the first finishes, the second one starts?

  1. Yesterday Jack got angry with me for no reason.

  2. Yesterday Jane smoked a cigarette behind the school.

  3. During the meeting Sam did not asked me about my opinion.

  4. My grandfather is a good person.

  5. Tom works too much.

  6. Henry is aggressive.

  7. This week Pam is every day the first in the line at the school canteen.

  8. My son often forgets about brushing his teeth.

  9. Lucy said that I do not look good in black.

  10. My aunt complains when I talk with her.

Method Description Part I

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Debriefing : Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking - how did you feel during the exercise? The facilitator has to be an active listener of participant’s statements doesn’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

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After, launch the second question, - How this exercise match with the topic Emotional development? Waiting and active listening participants statements don’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with.

Then divide the group in small groups, which one is the reporter, and then give them copies of Tips to help parents to regulate their own strong emotions. Invite them to:

  • Identify key triggers for emotional outbursts for yourself and your child, Youngster

After, Invite the participants to share they own tips about how each one use to:

  • Increase self-awareness and control of strong emotions by using the STOP skill:

S – STOP, step back

T – Tune into your thoughts, feelings and body sensations

O – Observe and notice what is going on inside and outside of you

P – Proceed mindfully

Finally, each small group reporter, present the conclusions to the big group.

Method Description Part II

Debriefing : Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking - how did you feel during the exercise? The facilitator has to be an active listener of participant’s statements doesn’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

Evaluation : In circle each participant evaluates the session with a positive point and points that need to be improved.

 
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For whom : 14+ /Parents, children and youngsters

Duration : 60 minutes

No. of participants : 12 participants

Place : Indoor and Outdoor

Preparation : Facilitators should prepare in advance sets of cards “The Communication Trust”

Materials : Quiz and Set of cards “The Communication Trust”

Goal : Develop the recognition of emotions; Improve the quality of communication; Improve the quality of understanding the interlocutor

 Instructions box – Express your feeling

Method Description Part I

The facilitator divides the group in 3 small groups by 4 members and then gives them a quiz. Each group must create a 5 minutes role-play based on at list 4 quiz statements. The context could be parents communicating that emotion with to their children or youngsters:

  1. I feel that you don’t like me.

  2. I’m afraid when you speak like that.

  3. I’m happy that I can talk to you.

  4. I feel like I want to hit you.

  5. I don’t feel I’m understood.

  6. I felt good when you came.

  7. I’m worthless.

After that all small groups present their role-play.

Debriefing

Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking - how did you feel during the exercise? The facilitator has to be an active listener of participant’s statements doesn’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

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Method Description Part II

Distribute for each small group a Set of cards “The Communication Trust” empty. You will find the cards bellow in this page. Give them a page with the matrix - recommended by Alison Marrs, professional advisor for “The Communication Trust” – based in the matrix invite the small group, give examples for parents in order to improve each one and write on the empty cards.

Each small group present their Tips collected in each card.

Debriefing

Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking:

  • What are the Tips considered by each participant applicable at home?

  • What are related skills with those examples?

The facilitator has to be an active listener of participant’s statements doesn’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

Evaluation : In a flipchart sheet each participant write a word that they relate with the session.

The Communication Trust cards

Create the right speaking

and listening environment

“Children and Youngsters need a quieter environment than adults to listen and learn in, so be aware that even it does not seem noisy to you, it may be for your child,” says Alison. “Have times during the day when there is no background noise, and always do this when engaging in a specific activity with your child (a game, reading, homework…).

Comment more, question less

“Adults are naturally keen to lead conversations, and to test children’s and youngster’s knowledge. But research shows that frequent parental use of directive and corrective statements – for example, questions and command giving – has been linked with delays in children's language development,” explains Alison.

“Of course, we all naturally ask questions, but if we do it too often it can have a negative effect. Instead, try to open up a chat with a comment, such as: ‘Look, it’s a bird!’ as opposed to asking, ‘What’s that?’ See how your child responds.”

Use open-ended questions

“This doesn’t necessarily mean that questioning is to be avoided,” Alison continues. “Research into the use of open-ended questions with school children – that, for example, start with ‘What could we do...?’, ‘Can you find a way to......?’ – has shown they can support learning and develop creative thinking and problem-solving skills. This is compared to closed questions such as, ‘What is the capital of France?’ which needs a one-word answer only.

“An example to try at home is, when wrapping a present, putting a large present on a small piece of wrapping paper and saying, ‘This won’t work. What can we do instead?’

Give children time to answer a question

“Often children youngsters need extra time to understand a question and think of their answer,” Alison says. “Instead of jumping in to help them answer, count to 10, and wait to see if your child answers. You will often be surprised by the results!”

Have fun with words!

 “A child’s vocabulary is fundamental to their learning. Research shows that vocabulary size at five years of age has links to later successes, such as literacy skills and academic achievement,” says Alison.

“When talking or reading with your child, check word understanding and support word learning by talking about word meaning and sounds. This helps them to learn and recall words. For example, ask about: a word’s first sounds; rhyming words; syllable number; what you do with the word; where you find it; what it looks, feels or tastes like; what group (category) it belongs to and what else belongs to this group.”

 
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For whom : 14+ /Parents, youth workers, teachers, trainers, school educators, counsellors etc.

Duration : 60 minutes

No. of participants : 8 + participants

Place : Indoor and Outdoor

Preparation : Facilitators should prepare in advance the open-ended statements

Materials : One sheet of paper for each person of the group

Goal : Develop the level of understanding of the value of the Boundaries and Guidance skills on parents’ skills; Recognize that people act the same events differently; Improve the quality of relationships with otherness.

 Instructions box – Story Game

The facilitator reads a list of open-ended sentences, based on annex, and one by one every person writes on the top of the paper their ending of the sentence. Every person after writing folds the paper, so that his/her text is covered, and after that gives the paper to the next person.

Example of some Sentences – The facilitator could create other ones:

  • Your kids need to know that they can count….

  • Here are 10 ways to establish clear boundaries for your kids…

  • Too many of us come down on violations never pay attention to what’s going well…

  • “Good-cop, bad-cop” is not a useful game at home. “Don’t tell your mom!” suggests you and your wife are divided. Parents must have each other’s backs

 

It’s another way to be consistent… Then, the facilitator reads aloud the story and summarizes.

Debriefing

Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking: How did you feel during the exercise?

Distribute the handout “10 ways to establish clear boundaries for your kids”. Each participant is invited to comment the text highlight 2 points that each already uses and 2 that he/she must improve. Don’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

Evaluation

In circle each participant evaluates the session with a positive point and points that need to be improved.

Handout – Boundaries and Guidance Skills 

A very important way to show your children love is to have clear, defined limitations for them. Your kids want guidelines for their lives that are reliably enforced. You are the one who creates a safe environment for them. Setting boundaries is an important piece of parenting. It doesn’t mean they won’t push your boundaries, they will. It is a part of their learning process and they may even be upset when you uphold certain boundaries, but they will also feel safe and secure at the same time.

Here are 10 ways to establish clear boundaries for your kids:

  1. Be trustworthyYour kids need to know that they can count on you. When you fail to back up your words with action your words will cease to mean anything. Your discipline and boundary setting will become hollow.

  2. Less is more :  “Five rules respected 100% of the time are better than 20 rules with haphazard compliance.”

  3. Be precise : Miscommunication is not the way to establish a positive environment. Effective communication is necessary. Ask them to repeat back to you what they heard from you, say to verify it’s understood. It pays to make sure everyone is on the same page.

  4. Involve the kids in boundary setting : Have a family meeting. Family communication gets everyone involved in setting the boundaries. When children share ownership of the rules, they’re more invested.

  5. Draw up a contract : Once the “Family” rules have been established, write up a document that everyone will sign.

  6. Post the rules : Post copies of the contract in the kitchen and in each bedroom. Remember, these are not restrictions so much as rules to live by.

  7. Recognize appropriate behaviour : Teachers refer to this as, “Catch when things are going well.” Too many of us come down on violations never pay attention to what’s going well.

  8. Avoid labeling children as “good” and “bad” : Children—and adults—behave in ways that are acceptable and in ways that are unacceptable. Labelling a child as “bad” will do little to improve behaviour and a lot to create a negative self-image.

  9. NEVER undermine the other parent : “Good-cop, bad-cop” is not a useful game at home. “Don’t tell your mom!” suggests you and your wife are divided. Parents must have each other’s backs. It’s another way to be consistent.

  10. Employ “natural consequences” when possibleWhen raising teenagers, natural consequences just make more sense. For younger children, this helps associate negative outcomes with specific behaviour.

 
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For whom : 14+ /Parents, youth workers, teachers, trainers, school educators, counsellors etc.

Duration : 120 minutes

No. of participants : 10 + participants

Place : Inside a meeting room/classroom etc

Materials : Video, data show and screen

Goal : Improve playing; Confront our beliefs in relation to reality; Improve trust relationship; Develop of empathy

 Instructions box – Video Training

The facilitator can ask the participants to bring a video about a play on family or during daily activities in which family members participate, the camera is installed and the video material is recorded. It is important that all members behave naturally, as they do on a daily basis. Therefore, it is advisable that the camera should be on for a long time, when all members will behave at ease. After the operation is completed, the recording is analysed. We look then when we speak to each other, what is our non-verbal language, our body language. This way you can see how we really behave, not how we think we behave. In small groups or in family groups with the participation of parents and children find what participants (Children/adults) learn through play. After, invite all families and small groups to share their finds.

Debriefing

Please sit the participants in circle and launch the discussion asking: How did you feel during the exercise? Raise questions about the playing and roles (parent Role and Children/Youngsters Role). Each participant is invited to express 2 points that each already uses and 2 that he/she must improve. Don’t hesitate to ask questions of clarification showing empathy with them.

Evaluation

In circle each participant evaluates the session drawing in a big sheet of paper is positive aspects of the session. Or if there are children you can use emoji’s and ask questions related with the session.

 
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Count Your Results

Scoring Highest on ‘A’s?

You Probably Have Traits Characteristic of the Authoritarian Parenting Style!

If you had most 'A's in this Parenting Style Test you might be what can be called an authoritarian parent.

These strategies, beliefs and ideas are typical of the authoritarian parenting style:

Authoritarian parents:

  • Like predictability, structure and rules. Authoritarian families are typically characterized by patriarchal hierarchy and everybody has his or her roles, duties and obligations.

  • Have a very 'orderly' mind. They like to look upon the world in terms of good and bad and every opinion, belief and judgment is the 'truth' and therefore unquestionable.

  • Tend to display controlling behaviour and use strict control as a guideline in their parenting style. There are many rules that are to be followed without discussion and children are kept in a rather tight leash.

  • Expect a high level of 'maturity' in their children's behaviour (compliant, undemanding and independent) and misbehaviour will be effectively punished.

  • Do not support creative or original thinking or action in their as it will be seen as a potential threat to the traditional order of things and the nice comfort zone of predictability.

  • Don't like engage in too much affectionate behaviour towards the children as too much love is seen as being potentially damaging making children spoilt. Children have to roughen up in order to be able to cope with the tough world later on.

Scoring Highest on ‘B’s?

You Probably Have Traits Characteristic of the Permissive Parenting Style!

If you had most 'B's you might be what can be called a permissive or indulgent parent.

These strategies, beliefs and ideas are typical of the permissive parenting style:

Permissive parents:

  • Don't like traditional rules and child discipline restrictions as they are seen as an impediment to the child's optimal personal growth, individual freedom and creative thinking.

  • Don't like to use overt control or force with their children to control and shape their behaviour. Children are expected to behave as 'children' and there are therefore no 'mature' standards of behaviour.

  • Have a large focus on trying to meet their children's needs as much as possible.

  • Believe in that everybody has a right to an opinion and therefore have a flat family hierarchy and include their child in decision making processes.

  • Tend to avoid potential conflicts and prioritize family harmony and peace of mind.

  • Use subtle and manipulative control measures such as bribe or praise to get children to do what is perceived to be needed

Scoring Highest on ‘C’s?

You Probably Have Traits Characteristic of the Authoritative Parenting Style!

If you had most 'C's you might be what can be called an authoritative parent.

These strategies, beliefs and ideas are typical of the authoritative parenting style:

Authoritative parents:

  • Like authoritarian parents, authoritative parents have clear and high standards of how children should behave. There are firm rules but their disciplinary efforts are not meant to restrictive in order to prevent bad behaviour, they are rather meant to be positively shaping the children so they become socially responsible.

  • Value individuality and self-assertiveness but within an established framework with clear limits. In this way they strive to balance their children's need for autonomy with their idea of social obligations and following the rules.

  • Use logic centred control with their children. They prefer to argue and discus their standpoint, will listen to their children but there's never any doubt that the parents have the final say.

  • Care about their children's emotional well-being and try to understand their child as well as make an effort of teaching the child social and emotional coping skills.

 
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